winter blows

The older I get, the more affected I am by seasonal depression. That's enough of a downer, but just taking stock of how it affects me: I do not want to go out in the cold. I don't even mind the cold, unless it's like this weekend when it is life-endingly cold. But to go out, to go somewhere...it's just hard to motivate myself. I mentioned this before, but I also am falling into routines that I very much do not want to be in. It's all connected, of course, but the edge of restlessness, the feeling of putting my life on pause. I don't have any patience for it.

I have yet to call about counseling appointments for anxiety, but this is a particularly annoying task for which I have to attempt to schedule with my clinic's counseling services. I have been advised that I will probably not be able to schedule anything because many other people are also doing this, so there are simply no appointments. But I have to be told "no" so that my primary care physician can be told and then, yet again, refer to elsewhere. And I'm thinking...well, what if I just want a year to change my insurance so I don't have to jump through hoops for referrals? What an awful thing to consider.

What's good, though? I'm feeling like I come here to complain more than anything. I've been building up a little movie and TV library, which has been fun. I've been remembering a lot of media I really love and it feels indulgent to get copies of these little diamonds on the rough. I do have my tattoo appointments (but my god I should not have afforded a large, multisession tattoo!). I'm behind on drafting my incursion for the Trophy Gold anthology, but I did draft some more on it the other day and I am quite happy with what I've done. It's nice not to feel any sort of defeat for that. Although other writers have been playtesting their drafts? That's wild to me. Playtesting for what?